Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
