I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
