I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
