If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
