Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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