Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
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The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
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We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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