You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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