i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I am available for nakedness
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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