I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
