i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
