There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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