What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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