Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
