The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
