I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
as a side note pls kill me
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
