doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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