My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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