I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
