I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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