Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
