How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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