I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Randomize
