Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
