Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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