Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
After last night, I could never be a politician.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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