I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
