I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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