Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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