Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
