Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize