Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
