I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
