She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
