Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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