A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
