he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
