I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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