this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
