I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
