If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
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I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
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I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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