Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
