You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize