Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
