i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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