dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I have aggressive nipples.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
