Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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