3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize