she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
