I met the friendliest cop last night
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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