and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
