I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
