I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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