So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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