If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
