it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
