so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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