Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
