he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
