Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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