i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
