woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
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Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
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It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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