Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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